Entertaining the kids through the holidays

So, Christmas is over. Relatives have been visited, presents have been opened, vast quantities of food have been eaten, and we are left with a mountain of recycling to sort.

There is still a week left until school re-starts so what is everyone up to? We are trying to visit as many soft play centres as we have pre-paid passes for, and then getting through the rest of the day with a combination of playing with toys and watching TV.

Today we managed a walk / cycle around Haldon Forest and took our sandwiches with us, so I'm feeling like a healthy and frugal mum. Only one more week of cheap and active days out to organise!

Send me your ideas for winter holiday fun! x

Fed up of eating yet?

Hope you have all had a lovely Christmas! We have had a lovely time with our family and are now trying to get back to work and to tidying. There is so much to do around the house, and I'm trying to keep up with our post-Christmas sales for our business (www.serenity-baby.co.uk)

My cupboard is heaving with gifts of chocolate for us and the kids. As soon as I get them off to bed I shall be sitting down to watch some recorded Christmas telly and working my way through the chocolate mountain.

Our next conversations are how to make the Baha'i festival of Ayyam-i-Ha in February anywhere near as exciting and special as Christmas (for more info check out www.bahai.org). We are thinking of making a pudding with all of our leftover ingredients from the Christmas pud, and perhaps making an advent calendar.

Here is our littlest one enjoying playing with his new kitchen!

Mummy, can I have a cheese sandwich?

Can I have a cheese sandwich? This was Alabama's question on seeing the Christmas dinner spread!

Although as Baha'is our main festival is Ayyam-i-Ha in February, our kids were lucky enough to get presents from other family members. Their main present was this fab country kitchen - nicer than our adult one...

And Mummy even managed to make some stockings...

Growing up fast?

She may have turned 5 last week, but my daughter has still stuck a balloon animal on her head to sit and watch TV. And why not? 

Can I quit this job now?

Most days I feel like I've done OK. If the children are tucked up in bed, everyone is alive and happy, and maybe a third of my tasks have been completed then that is a good day.

But then there are days like today. Where the day is full of lots of tiny challenges which combine to push you over the edge. So who do I hand in my letter of resignation to? Where do I register a grievance at my treatment? Can I book a day of holiday? Er... no.

Right now peace reigns in our household. The two boys are asleep and my 5 year old daughter is happily practising her handwriting. That brings on the next wave of emotions: guilt. How can I get cross with them when they are so young and sweet. Was I too shouty today?

After a particularly busy day of rushing around, it was bath-time that really did me in. My youngest who is just over a year old came out of the bath first, but it was a bit early for bed, so he roamed free around the upstairs. His game of choice was 'lets find clothes and throw them all in the bathtub or the toilet.' He was then joined by his 2 1/2 yr old brother who decided to play 'lets throw enormous quantities of water out of the bath onto the floor'. There was much tantrum-ing etc when the incorrect pyjamas were offered to said 2 1/2 yr old, but what really took the biscuit was when he ripped apart a brand new box of tissues all over the landing. Yes it doesn't sound that big a deal now, but I was none too pleased at the time.

So, mainly to cheer me up, here are some (old) pictures of them being cute!

Does your home turn into a soft play centre?

Today is definitely a 'choose your battles' day. I have no energy to resist the little ones, and besides they are having so much fun! 

Can you believe that the one on the right is 18 months younger than his brother on the left? Need to cut down on his food I think :-)

Two year old tantrums

This is my lovely middle child who is 2 and a half, snuggling up to his current favourite parent :-)

He is a sweet easy going child, but he is now going through the kinds of tantrums usually associated with his age. I think he is trying hard to control the world around him, and so he always wants a specific person to help him whether it is passing him a tissue, opening a door, or serving him food. He will select the person - either my husband, myself or his older sister - and regardless of who else is offering to help him he will shout and scream unless the chosen one fulfils the required task.

Some recent examples include: he dropped a toy on the floor when sitting at the table and whinged about it until his 4 year old sister felt sorry for him and picked it up. He then promptly threw it on the floor again and said 'I want Mummy to pick it up!'. When he was stuck behind a stairgate and my husband opened the gate for him, he slammed it shut again and waited for me to come and let him out. I went to pick him up from pre-school and he wanted Daddy to get him. He shouted and screamed all the way home. Daddy was at home, but instead of being happy to see Daddy to tried to throw his bag and coat outside and drag Daddy to pre-school so that we could start again!

So what is the best way to tackle this emerging struggle for control? For the time being I have been looking for other opportunities to offer him a choice during his day, ie 'would you like the blue or the grey jumper?', 'which colour plate would you like?', 'do you want to fetch your yoghurt?'

I think I need to take a firmer line on who helps him though. I continue to pick him up from pre-school to offer some consistency when my husband is at work and can't pick him up. But, we have given in a few times and brought in the required parent to offer him food or help him get dressed etc. Maybe leaving him stuck behind the stairgate might have helped him learn that lesson more quickly. Like so many things the little ones do, it was comical at first, so we didn't set any ground rules for dealing with it.

Let me know your tips for helping get through the tantrum years! x

What does Christmas mean to you?

We stopped at our favourite cafe in Exeter today, only to be surrounded by a line of charity-inspired Christmas trees. It wasn't long before my 2 year old got tangled up in the fairy lights and then started pulling at the baubles. With less than a month to go, I need to decide how I really feel about Christmas.

My family and are are Baha'is (www.bahai.org) and we believe that all of the major world religions come from the same Creator. We have our own special Holy Days. There is no problem with us celebrating the birth of Christ, or participating in the festivals of other religions such as Eid, or Divali. With some guidance, Baha'is are free to make their own decision as to how much to take part in the cultural and religious festivities of their area.

I tend to try and not make too much of a big deal of the traditions (and dare I say commercial) side of Christmas. We always give cards and happily display cards from friends. We do usually buy gifts for relatives who are not Baha'is, but so far we have not bought gifts for our own children. They get so much from other people that they haven't actually noticed, so at the moment it is only a point of principle! Last year we lived next door to a family who have a huge Christmas shop and they gave us a tree (which to be fair I absolutely loved :-).

So basically, I'm enjoying many of the fine elements of Christmas by just sponging off of others! Time to make a decision and figure out what Christmas means for our family. My husband and I agree that it is an important time of year for catching up with extended family. Most of us get at least a few days off work so it is a great time to get together. We want our children to understand the meaning of Christmas and how it links in with our beliefs, so we are also trying to do a little bit of education about God and His Messengers. My daughter is involved in the nativity play at school and is enjoying learning Christmas carols. We are planning to make little stockings for the children with tiny token gifts but not give 'proper' presents. We also want to make an effort to celebrate Baha'i Holy Days and ensure we are taking time off work to be together on those days.

What are your views on Christmas? How are you explaining the meaning of it to your children? I'd like to hear your thoughts...

Fresh air and exercise!

A family walk in Haldon Forest this morning led to a surprising 11am nap for our 2 1/2 year old! I think the fresh air combined with all of us having colds got the better of him.

Our 4 year old did a great job of cycling all the way around the trail without any complaints.

And my workout was pushing 2 heavy boys all around in the double buggy :-)

Is it worth tidying up?

We seem to endlessly acquire nice storage tubs, shelves, furniture etc to try and rationalise the toys but to no avail.

This is my scene at 7.30pm when 2 out of 3 children are in bed. I would love to organise the toys by theme but what I am likely to do is throw them all in a giant tub and then stick the kettle on.

I feel another trip to ikea coming on!

How do you deal with discipline?

In our house with 3 children aged between 1 and 4 years old, chaos rules. I have become accustomed to the sympathetic stares of the general public when I attempt to leave said house. Discipline is a daily concern for my husband and I.

At the moment we are trying loads of things and probably failing at most :-) We have a star chart for good behaviour which seems to be a strong motivator for our eldest child and has helped her with showing politeness to people. For our eldest 2 we count to 3 and then send either of them on a time out if they do something different to what they are told. We are usually striving to shout less and offer a calm voice, but the word 'noooo' does get used rather a lot!

As far as possible we try to use the language of virtues and name types of behaviour that we would like to see, ie 'please use kind words' or 'use your helpfulness to tidy up'.

I love to watch TV shows like Supernanny and The 3 Day Nanny. They are great for picking up parenting tips, but also make me feel a little bit smug that my family isn't doing too badly ;-)

Let me know your parenting tips!

What makes your little one smile?

I've just been having a look through my phone pictures for something cute to share. This is Harrison letting me know just how much he loves being in a ball pool! What makes your little one smile?

Back to life

Thanks to all of you who came and had a look at our wedding pictures! It is amazing to think that 10 years have passed since Mark and I tied the knot.

We had a really lovely and luxurious time staying at Abode in Exeter and enjoying some fine dining at Michael Caines' restaurant overlooking the cathedral. As a vegetarian non-drinker I'm always a bit awkward in restaurants, and I think we both felt a bit like we don't belong in posh places :-) We have become accustomed to getting stares from other diners as our children make loads of noise and throw food around, so it was nice to play grown-ups and have a meal out together.

I had 3 delicious courses of things so haute cuisine that I have no idea what they were, I got to wear high heels and lipstick, and I only spent the first hour worrying about the children (who were safely at home with their Nan).

Now we're back to the Monday routine of school and work. But, the anniversary was a lovely time to reflect on how lucky we are to have such a great family and how this is a life well worth coming back to.

10 Year Wedding Anniversary!

Tomorrow marks 10 years since we made our vows. We have only made it to 'tin' apparently - we have to wait longer for silver, gold and ruby! I feel a bit cheated... 10 years of marriage is quite an achievement, and our precious element (or is it a compound? I never was good at chemistry) is TIN?

So what does ten years of marriage mean to me? Well, looking back at the photos now I realise that my husband has become my best friend and life companion. We have grown as adults together and are now learning what it means to be parents. We run our business together (www.serenity-baby.co.uk) and are learning how to best combine our different skills. There have been highs and lows, crises and victories, but there has definitely been love and laughter.

We are blessed with 3 beautiful children and it is hard to remember a time before they were around. For our anniversary we are going to enjoy a meal out just by ourselves! What percentage of the time will be spend talking about the children?

I think that's about as mushy as I can muster! Here are some photos to enjoy instead :-)

How much TV do the children watch?

Like many parents I vowed that my children would watch no TV. Or, all right, just a little bit now and again. OK well just after school when they are tired. Or when I'm cooking dinner. And perhaps when they wake up early in the morning. Also on rainy days. And when I'm doing housework / getting work done / checking my emails...

Hopefully you are all much better at managing this than I am! At the moment I'm trying to regulate TV to short bursts at certain times of the day. I don't usually let them have any TV if there are guests in the house and I try to provide activities for weekends and rainy days to keep them occupied. My daughter who is 4 gets some TV in the morning when she wakes up, and around half an hour when she gets back from school.

I usually get them to watch shows which I have pre-recorded to try and prevent them watching adverts. The amount of products pushed at them at such a tender age is scary. I remember when my daughter was 2 years old I asked her not to touch the toilet as it was full of germs. "And limescale" was her reply!! So I learned my lesson about keeping them away from adverts!

Please do let me know your tips, your successes and failures...

First day at pre-school

My middle child (Sutherland) started at Whimple Pre-School today! He has been going to another pre-school and has in the past been to nursery so it is not totally new for him. But, this is his first morning going to the pre-school he will hopefully attend for the next 2 years meeting all of the children he will go to school with.

Here he is all dressed up ready to go in the pre-school jumper and t-shirt. I stayed with him for the first couple of hours whilst he did free play followed by book time and then snack time. I left whilst he was enjoying a tasty snack and preparing to go outside to play in the garden.

I love pre-school because it is more structured than the nurseries that we have been to. The children make friends with those who will be their classmates and they have a sense of identity in belonging to the village community. I hope he enjoys it and I'll be off to collect him soon!

Crealy Theme Park

We have gotten winter passes for Crealy theme park in Devon and so are here for our third day in a row!
The children have had a brilliant time on rides, rollercoasters and indoor play centres. Us parents are relaxed because the children are happy, so all in all great value for money.

Back to school tomorrow so need to get uniforms sorted, bags packed and children to bed early.

Surviving half-term!

Are you able to get outdoors this week? We're trying our best even if it is for muddy walks and a quick go on the swings. So far we've been to the local park twice (as shown here), Bicton Park, Haldon Forest, and today we somehow found our main trip out was to Tesco's. I need inspiration!!

To work or not to work, that is the question

To all my fellow Mummy readers this will be a familiar question. It is such a prevalent topic in our Mummy conversations and often sparks passionate views. While some people long to be able to stay at home with their children, others crave to use a bit of their creativity in the workplace.

Many of us would like a little bit of both. A part-time job which feeds the soul but allows us to be there for our children. Many of us don't have the luxury of choice: necessity decides for us.

I've been in a few different situations throughout the five years so far of child-rearing. With my first child I had to put her in nursery aged 10 months and return to work in a job I didn't love. Whilst it was nice to do something other than be with my precious baby 24/7 it did affect our relationship and I came to resent having to go to work. Luckily I got into a better situation and landed a job which I loved and felt valued in, and was able to work from home part-time. That really was the best of both worlds, and during that time I had my second child. Shortly afterwards the job came to an end and I was forced to face the question of what next. I had been so spoiled with working from home that I couldn't imagine having to step into an office or shop environment again.

Ever since my first child was born I had also been working on a side project to run my own business selling maternity and baby clothes (www.serenity-baby.co.uk). Fortunately I was able to turn my attention to that and attempt to make a living being self-employed. It is a bumpy ride, and I do periodically go through the cycle of other possible options. Should I go and get a 'proper' job? If I did, the cost of childcare would probably not make it worthwhile... What would the impact on the children be? What better paid job can I convince my husband to take so that I can stay at home?

So for the time being I'm clinging to the dream of having my cake and eating it. I'm at home with the children 24/7, but I also run my own business. There is a strong possibility that I'm not doing well at either being a parent or being a business-woman, but one has to have hope. There is also just a slim chance that I can show them that Mummies can succeed in the workplace and also that Mummy is (sometimes) there for them. I'm choosing to dwell on the positives of tasking my brain to economic challenges rather than pondering the reality of shouting "Mummy's busy - go and play" :-)

So for all the Mummies out there who are facing tough decisions, remember there is no right or wrong. Every scenario has its positives and its shortcomings. Good luck with making those decisions!

Cute sleeping baby

I'm working on some longer meatier blog posts, but today here is another self indulgent proud mummy photo!

My eldest two are having swimming lessons and thanks to a sleepy Harrison I have a few minutes peace and quiet sitting in the car with my coffee. Gotta love the naps!

What are your plans for half term? It would be great to have some inspiration...

Babies' first steps!

My youngest child, Harrison, turned one year old last weekend. That year seemed to whoosh past before I noticed, and I did feel a little tinge of sadness that my last baby is now growing up! The day after his birthday he took his first steps and there has been no stopping him since.

The last few days he has stood firmly on his two feet and then gingerly stepped forward until reaching the safety of a wall / chair / mummy. Cue much applause and cuddles!

Here is Harrison enjoying a birthday outing to the Science Museum in London. Thanks to a tip from old friends we discovered the somewhat hidden 'garden' area in the basement with loads of sensory activities for curious little people. This wall has different textures for the children to touch - including the feel of wellies!

Apparently letting your child be barefoot helps them to steady themselves ready for standing and walking, which is a good thing as Harrison has a tendency to shed socks given half a chance.

How did your baby surprise you when he or she turned one?

First days at primary school

Like children up and down the country, our daughter started primary school last week. So far she has loved the experience and is bubbling with excitement each morning to get dressed and get going. She knew all of the other children in her class from pre-school and play-dates, and had been regularly visiting the school as part of pre-school activities, so the transition was as smooth as it could be.

Letting go of Mummy

We are now well in to the second week and I'm taking some time to reflect on where we are and what we still need to work on. Although she appears to love school, my daughter is reluctant to go in to the classroom without me, and sometimes clings on to my clothes to try and take me in with her. I've tried rationalising with her, bribing her, threatening her, comforting her and walking away from her. Although some of these strategies have enabled her to get in to school for that day's education, none offers a happy or lasting solution. 

At the moment my plan is to take her inside the classroom every morning to help her unpack her bag and hang it on the peg. After doing that the children are expected to go back into the playground until the bell rings. At this point they need to leave their mummies and go in for their lessons. My deal with her is that I'll go inside with her for the unpacking and then when the bell rings she needs to go in without me. This morning she made it near the door and then waited for the teacher to gently push her in.

I've been lucky enough that my husband is around during the day so I've asked him to take some time from work to look after our 2 younger ones this week to enable me to focus some attention on our daughter. Hopefully after some focus this week then from next week I can be a bit tougher about letting her go in with her friends but without me.

Dealing with homework

The other issue is that she now brings home daily homework. There are books to read and discuss as well as words to practice. For the first couple of days she was very keen to do this as soon as she arrived home, but now we have settled into a pattern of reading the stories before bed. Our daughter is very happy about this as she is getting much better one-to-one time with Mummy. Once her two younger brothers are in bed, she snuggles up with me to read her story of the day and practice reading the words she has been given. I have been making an effort to set aside this time rather than try and rush her to bed and get on with all of my own tasks. 

Hopefully the initial enthusiasm from parents and child won't diminish too much! Let me know your trials and victories with the new school term. Thanks for reading :-)

Scrap-booking

We're moving house. In three weeks time. One of my many distraction techniques from the reality of packing and cleaning has been to start a scrapbook project with the children. I bought 3 notebooks and have dug out all of the cards, wedding invitations and personal notes which I don't want to throw away. My eldest two children and I have been merrily cutting, gluing and sticking. This is a great rainy day activity!

Mummy & daughter day

My eldest child is starting primary school next week, and so we are finally here at the last week of our summer holidays. I have three children and they are fairly close in age with my middle one aged 2 years and the youngest 10 months. Since the baby was born my daughter hasn't spent much time just with mummy, even though we have all had so many happy family times together. I've written elsewhere in the blog about how her behaviour has been getting more challenging throughout the summer holidays. So, I decided to give her some one to one attention and take her out for the afternoon whilst my husband looked after the other two.

She was so excited when I first mentioned the idea, that she looked ready to burst! Our plan was a fairly simple one: take the 10 minute train ride to the nearest city of Exeter and have a wander round the shops followed by coffee for me and cake for her.

  

We spent a lovely few hours together doing not very much, but with me trying hard to listen to her and chat with her rather than constantly be distracted by other children / work / housework. Her comment on the way home was "we didn't have time for much fun today did we because we had to do all that shopping!" So I guess there really is no pleasing some people :-)

Summer holiday behaviour troubles

My lovely 4 year old is proving quite a challenge this summer holiday. We're taking her on loads of outings and providing art and craft activities as well as challenging activities.Yet we're having a higher than average number of incidents of cheeky behaviour. We've had a fair few tantrums, shouty 'NOOO's' and general rudeness.

Like many parents we spend endless hours discussing theories to explain behaviour. Our current hypothesis is that she is missing the structure and activities provided by her pre-school. She gets up fairly early - usually between 6 and 7 am - and for the first few hours of the day we tend to be getting on with tasks for our business as well as doing housework. By the time we make it out for an activity it is usually around 10 or 11am so maybe she feels neglected during those first few hours.

We have been reasonably strict with giving her time-outs, warning chances and taking toys away. Usually this has worked and we've all been able to get on with our day. We are trying to ensure she gets focused attention such as conversations and story time. But, we also have to ask her to wait whilst her brothers get some attention. She has been getting plenty of exciting treats as we buy school shoes, clothes and accessories. Maybe we need to keep working on how to show gratitude.

Luckily we've also had plenty of nice behaviour and happy times these holidays. Two weeks left...

Camping with a family of 5

So we didn't get on too badly! We spent 4 nights at Baha'i Summer School in Berkshire in our 4 man tent. OK so we wimped out and came home a day early rather than 'enjoy' a fifth night, but all-in-all I'm quite proud of us.

Somewhere amongst those blankets and sleeping bags are 2 little children. The baby slept most of the night in his pushchair and then joined us on a blow-up mattress. Mark and I attempted to share a double sleeping bag, but found that it was really a device for binding you to another person so that if they roll over in the night you are dragged around with them. Not so useful when you have to reach over in the dark to pass bottles of milk to various grizzling children.

The children absolutely loved the experience and even we were reasonably chipper. We're planning to go away again over the bank holiday weekend and enjoy some more of the delights of Devon.

Summer holiday activity - handwriting practice

My 4 year old is starting school in September and is very excited to learn. She keeps wanting to practice reading and writing. I've been giving her lists of names to copy, and she also has a couple of handwriting books which help her trace letters. I found this great website which allows you to create your own handwriting practice sheets and print them out. It's easy to type a few sentences or your child's name. The site is www.worksheetworks.com

Saying goodbye to breastfeeding

Feeding your baby is such a basic thing, but the breast vs bottle debate still rages on with each side feeling that theirs is frowned upon. I respect every mother's right to make their own decisions knowing their own circumstances. I'm going to share my experience, not any political viewpoint :-)

Harrison is my third baby. He is 9 1/2 months old and he has only had breast milk (rather than formula). He's a good eater now and he has also started drinking water in the daytime so his demand for milk is less. I weaned my first child completely at 10 months and my second at 5 months (so I could return to work). I tried to introduce the bottle to Harrison a couple of times around the 6-7 month stage but he wasn't having any of it. I've left it for a while and continued to feed. He particularly likes to feed overnight and would end up sleeping in our bed for the second half of the night and wake every 1-2 hours for more milk.

I've been planning to sort out this situation for a while and felt that moving on to the bottle would hopefully be the best solution to his sleep, but I thought I'd wait a bit as we're off on a camping trip at the weekend. But, when Harrison bit me really hard when he was feeding, I decided enough was enough and went off to make a bottle for him. He refused it, but I persevered throughout the day and to my great surprise by the afternoon he was happily drinking it, he went down at night with a bottle, and after a feed late evening and one more at 1am (which my husband did!!!) he then slept in his own cot until 6.30am! That is one of the longest sleeps of his life, and of mine since he was born.

So we're nearing the end of day two. Harrison seems fine, but I'm a mess. I didn't fully think through the consequences to my body of going 'cold turkey'. As my other children were weaned more gradually there wasn't really any pain, but with this situation my breasts have turned into giant rocks and are seriously sore. I tried expressing a bit of milk but I think it was too late and not much would come out. I'm hoping the pain will ease soon and that it'll all sort itself out. I've been reading about all the remedies (think cabbages) but just having a bit of paracetemol.

In some ways I'm glad of the physical discomfort because it is distracting me from the emotional pain. I didn't know that the early morning feed yesterday would be my last time nursing a lovely baby. I wasn't prepared to let go of that bonding experience and allow my baby to grow up. In many ways I'll be glad to see the back of breastfeeding, but it still feels like the end of an era.

Day out in Haldon Forest

Some good friends suggested a visit to Haldon Forest near to Exeter. Our family spent the afternoon there yesterday and had a fantastic time. The place has no entry fee although there is a car park charge of £3/£4. Haldon Forest has several hiking and cycling trails, adventure activities, children's playgrounds and a cafe. We took the easiest trail of 1.5 miles and found it was easy to push the pushchair through. Our eldest child managed to cycle almost the whole way around, and our 2 year old enjoyed running through the forest with a stick.

The kids also spent time playing in a little playground whilst we enjoyed a visit to the cafe. All in all a great space to enjoy family time with kids of all ages. We'll be back!

http://www.forestry.gov.uk/haldonforestpark